A Calendar Can Save Your Marriage

Everyone lives on a calendar.

Nowadays, that calendar is on your phone. Even to the point that Siri, Alexa, or Google tell you your schedule. While there are certainly downfalls to tech, this can be embraced by a couple struggling with communication—the goal for all couples is to be on the same page. So, the easiest way to get on the same page is to sync your calendar. You can easily avoid arguments over missed appointments, miscommunication, completing tasks, forgotten performances, broken promises, etc. A child can be left waiting at school after a sports practice because both parents thought the other would pick them up. For some, this once-in-a-lifetime story can mutate and become a template, something common or expected, and the conflict afterward. A fundamental conflict that can be solved is the accountability question of where someone is or where they have been.

The calendar is an effective tool for the premarital couple and for the strugglin married couple.  They are developing skills and building time for functional behavior. Also, we are trying to get ahead of the most common types of conflict.  The goal is to create good exchanges and eliminate as many opportunities for reactive responses.

The idea is simple: everybody knows where everyone is or supposed to be.

The calendar must be accessible and visible on paper, smartphones, or a giant corkboard in a central room. The idea is simple: everybody knows where everyone is and/ or is supposed to be. The content of the calendar should be updated weekly (preferably on Sunday evening, the beginning of the week). If someone changes something on the calendar, obviously make sure everyone knows.

The calendar becomes the silent partner in the room and serves as a safety net to support the couple.  Couples should know how limited their time is.  There is a choice every couple has with their time together (what little time there is after work, children, and life responsibilities). You can spend time building an emotional connection or dealing with conflict. People make time to argue when there is conflict, especially unresolved conflict. That conflict robs the couple of what they are looking for individually.  Those with a standard 9 to 5 schedule can look forward to and enjoy their evenings and weekends instead of dreading the conflict.

So put an end to small arguments by improving the communication between the both of you.