November 13, 2024
One of the challenges for every wedding is meaningfully including family members and friends while keeping the ceremony within a manageable timeframe.
First, remember that the wedding is a weekend event, not just a 30-minute ceremony. There is the rehearsal, the rehearsal dinner, getting ready, the ceremony, and the reception. Some traditional roles give people a sense of belonging and purpose. The rehearsal dinner often centers around the groom’s family as they sponsor or host the dinner. The reception usually focused on the bride's family. The father usually offers a toast, blessing, or short speech. The Maid of Honor and the Best Man also offer a speech at the reception. The mothers usually have a role in the ceremony with a unity candle or something similar.
So, if you have a friend or sibling who does not have a role, how can you include them? Or, you have a very special aunt or uncle, but they are not your parents and are not in the wedding party. What can you do to include them?
One of the easiest things to do is to offer someone to do a reading during the ceremony. If you have been to weddings, primarily indoor or church/ cathedral ceremonies, you have seen people offer readings. When asking someone to do a reading, it's important to be clear about what you're asking, express why you think they would be perfect for the role, and give them the freedom to decline if they're uncomfortable.
1. No one will remember what anyone reads; they will likely remember who read something at your wedding. Jokingly, I tell people the reader can read the alphabet if they want to; the reader is more important. The reader's identity, their relationship to you, and their personal style can significantly impact the reading's emotional resonance and the overall atmosphere of your ceremony.
2. One reading is sufficient; two is the absolute maximum. Whether your reading is a poem, a portion of scripture, or an excerpt from a book, all the readings tend to sound the same and blur people's minds. If you are doing a Catholic ceremony, typically, there are four readings: an Old Testament reading, a Psalm, a Gospel Reading, and another New Testament reading. And those ceremonies (assuming they serve communion) are upwards of an hour or longer.
3. Never allow anyone to get up and say anything during the ceremony off the cuff. Make sure readers are reading what you have asked them to read. An “open mic” allows people to ramble, say something inappropriate, or inevitably, they begin talking about themselves. None of those are good.
"Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another lift him up! Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone?" Ecclesiastes 4:9-12
A reading is a simple yet meaningful way to enhance your ceremony and include special people on your special day. Below is a link to our entire packet of readings, including religious and non-religious readings. Enjoy.
Main image: Photo by Mikhail Nilov
Thumbnail image: Courtesy of Rachel Rowland Photography